The Editorial rambling of old metal fan...

A man is never too drunk, so long as he can hold onto one blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth.

Here we are again, round and round the hallowed bend. As you may have figured out I have decided to put the print version of Canadian Assault to rest. I do not want to dwell too long on the reasons why I made this decision. It was a hard one to make but also necessary like so many things in this cursed life.

It is a combination of things from having less time with the family, having a kid now, just more responsibilities in general that getting older inevitably brings along for the ride. That coupled with the fact that interest in print fanzines, especially in North America, has been on a serious decline for a decade and accelerating at a quickened pace the last four or five years. Not to mention as I stated above I have other things going on that not only restricts my time but also income that previously was not as big of a deal to lose. Anyone currently doing a print fanzine can tell you it is not like the early 90s when you made your money back or even a couple bucks to rent a few videos or buy a 6 pack. No it is generally speaking a money pit, rising print costs, rising postal costs, rising paper costs etc... All of that and more led to the demise of the printed version of Canadian Assault.

Everyone wants free webzines now anyways right? That is the message I seem to keep getting. Our culture wants everything fast and easy and preferably cheap as hell (if it is not made in China it is too expensive right? *sigh*) and well webzines fit that bill so I guess it is not such a surprise even the metal underground has followed suit. It is not that I did not expect that to happen but how quickly it followed suit is slightly surprising to me. But I am one of those crusty old school metal bastards that loved cassette tapes and getting my hands on a photo-copied fanzine that made my fingers black and had shitty photos was a thing of beauty and a definite highlight to my day / week. Remember tape trading? Yeah I was guilty as hell on that account as well, those were the fucking days let me tell you. Wanna trade an mp3? Yeah not quite the same thing and leaves empty. But the world moves on and unless we want to hole ourselves up in the basement, board up the windows and try to pretend that time has not marched onward, then you are bound to get swept up in progress (whether it is better is another story I believe for another time) eventually.

But a new day dawns at the end of the long dark night. Every other fucking thing in this world is going online these days, I suppose it was time for me to dust off the cobwebs and at least attempt to properly utilize the important tool that the internet can be. So yes Canadian Assault lives on, we are like some kind venereal disease you can not get rid of, we are a plague upon the earth and yes we are that chill that is in the air.

So have you taken the new site a spin? I am not sure it will show but I have been putting a lot of work into getting this thing together and not just a start like the last version and left largely unattended. No I plan to keep this updated and up to date. Bookmark it and check back often, I promise to try my best to make it worth your time. Back to what I was saying I put a lot of time going through archives and have put up a boat load of old shit from the past 9 issues of Canadian Assault. It is an on going process, I had wanted to have everything completely done before going online but it is just taking too long so it will have to be a work in progress for a while. Yet I think I managed to slap some meat in just about every section of the site. You can spend a long ass time drinking a ton of metal through the years.  

Not to take anything away from new content as there are plenty of new interviews and new reviews and semi new reviews. I have a lot more to say but this is dragging on a little too long for my liking so I will wrap things up and I hope you guys like the continuation of Canadian Assault. Thanks for the support guys, it is appreciated and I have nothing respect for everyone supporting the scene. Metal and you guys sick, dedicated bastards are the reason I keep going.

Cheers,

Dale Roy

The Canadian Assault print issue zineography:

I am not really actively trying to sell these back issues any longer. I am most definitely sold out of issue 1 & 9, with 2 and 4 well on their way to selling out. With a lot of the content from these issues now archived on this site I am guessing interest will not be that high. However if you are really dying check out one of these back issues then Email me and we can work something out. ~ Dale

ISSUE # 1:

The debut issue is xeroxed and contains 56 pages and has inteviews with: Infernal Majesty, Stratorvarius, Fleshgrind, Tenebrae, Rotting, Eternal Darkness Recs/magAZINE/DistrIBUTION, Arch Enemy, a 2 page Venom tribute section and more...

ISSUE # 2:

the sophmore release with the following interviews: Gorguts, Incantation, Intestine, Headache Described fanzine, Lust, Quo Vadis, plus more. It is pro-printed on high quality newsprint and is 48 pages. Also it has new feature the killer quotes section that takes juicy quotes from all over the underground scene and reprints them. A ton of reviews and many other surprises.

ISSUE # 3:

pro printed on newsprint but added this time is a glossy black & white cover! the Interviews include: Skinless, Athotorgh, October 31, United Guttural Records, all 3 female editors of Metal Mafia fanzine, Darkthrone, Pegazus & lots more. Again we have the Killer Quotes section, a ton of reviews, Ancient album reviews. Articles on Canadian deathrash legends Disciples Of Power and big jugged porno actress Christy Canyon. All of this and much more in a 52 page package on high quality newsprint with a black & white glossy cover.

ISSUE # 4:

the historic sPlit issue with Eternal Darkness with their 13th issue. you get 2 dedicated underground fanzines for the price of 1!! It has a black & white glossy cover, pro-printed at a immensely packed 68 pages! Some of the cult interviews included are: Pagan Records, Nunslaughter, Immolation, Kaamos, Damnation Records, Unpure, Rites Of Thy Degringolade, Lust, Vulpecula, Ultra hot porn actress Shane and A FUCKING TON MORE!!!! Including a pictorial of the almighty Venom!! Diehard features such as Killer QuOtes and Ancient Album Reviews.

ISSUE # 5:

Issue 5 comes in a half-size form, pro-printed with black & white glossy cover and is 68 fucking pages! Interviews include Denial Of God, Rebaelliun, Tales Of The Macabre zine, Destruktor, Disgorge, Necrodeath, Svartsyn, Dekapitator, Urgrund, Desecration and a shitload more!! Including 2 porn actress interviews!! As well as kult features returning like Ancient album reviews, Killer Quotes, Ye Olde flyer pages (Including cult OLD flyers from Sacrifice, Slaughter, King Diamond, Necrovore, Repulsion etc...

ISSUE # 6:

100 packed Half size pages of damnation, alcohol & metal lust! Everything you expect from Canadian Assault is here. the  Interviews include: Bloodstorm, Thornspawn, Leather ?N Spikes zine, Gospel Of The Horns, Bestial Mockery, Darkness Eternal, Slaughter and tons more.

ISSUE # 7:

FEATURES INTERVIEWS WITH DEEDS OF FLESH, GRAND BELIAL'S KEY, WITCHBURNER / IRON BONEHEAD RECORDS, PAINIAC RECORDS, POSSIBLY THE LONGEST INTERVIEW EVER WITH NUNSLAUGHTER! ALSO A RE-PRINT OF AN OLD BLASPHEMY INTERVIEW PRE-FALLEN ANGEL OF DOOM COURTESY OF ETERNAL DARKNESS 'ZINE! FEATURES ALSO THE FIRST INSTALLMENT OF THE NOW NOTORIOUS ROUNDTABLE OF RANTING & RAVING INSANITY...

ISSUE # 8:

YES WE DECIDED TO TRY AGAIN THE SPLIT ISSUE THING, THIS TIME WITH MY CANADIAN BRETHREN, CATH AND HER MIGHTY LEATHER 'N SPIKES. SEEMED NATURAL SINCE THIS IS BOTH ZINES 8TH ISSUE. 116 FULL SIZE pages with b&w glossy cover! INTERVIEWS ARE: Pentagram (US doom legends!), Destroyer 666, Abigail, Lust, Cobalt, Insision, Hellflame Productions, Goatfire, Terrorama, Misery?s Omen, Drakkar Productions, Possessed (yes a new one), a new PC killing brutal Ranting Roundtable...

ISSUE # 9:

INTERVIEWS INCLUDE: Terrorama / I Hate Records, Nocturnal / Deathstrike Records, Victimizer + more! WE HAVE GONE BACK TO OUR ROOTS WITH THIS FINAL PRINT ISSUE, It is PHOTO-COPIED BUT this time but with excellent presentation of photo's / graphics and a cardboard full colour front and back cover! A ton of reviews, demos, horror flicks, a big vinyl review section, fanzines and many other surprises!

Wilhelm

Writer for Canadian Assault and chief commander of the Starlight Temple Society record label / Gallery of the Grotesque fanzine

Bum Dart Champion

Although Wilhelm's identity is a closely guarded secret, much of it relegated to ancient mythos, it is rumored that he was born after Satan, Zeus and Odin took turns fornicating with Lilith near the Red Sea thousands of years before Al Gore invented the internet. Because Wilhelm is the progeny of the most unholy union the world has ever known, and ever will know, and because Al Gore recently invented the internet, Wilhelm is now able to use the information superhighway in order to pervert minds and dictate his supreme will to the ignorant masses in hopes that a new Satanic aeon will usurp the mantle of power and bring about his earthly cult which will rid the world once & for all of poseurs, false black metal bands, those trendy little coffee shops that pop up in every conceivable place like malignant tumors and an arrogant dickwad named Dale Roy that has a cheesy mullet & a gay porno zine that nobody cares about.

When Wilhelm isn't busy mapping out his plans for complete & utter universal annexation and spreading mighty Hellenic wisdom to all of human civilization for their own good you'll find him editing his own fanzine called "Gallery of the Grotesque", hailed by The London News Daily as "The most historically significant extreme metal magazine of all time." and praised by Euronymous via Ouija board as "Fascinating; a triumph! True Unholy Black metal is ALIVE, and Wilhelm is the NEW King of Black Metal.". (Note- copies of 'Gallery of the Grotesque' are now archived at the Library of Congress).....

....And when Wilhelm isn't editing the world renowned fanzine "Gallery of the Grotesque" you'll discover that he is in fact a humble, sensitive gent with an exceedingly high IQ, a dry sense of humor, and a passion for long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, romantic cinema and evenings by the fire discussing strict eugenics and the elimination of most of Earth's population.

Wilhelm is also an outspoken critic of egoism (because only HIS ego matters, and yours does NOT).